The Baby No One Knew About

In the month of October, we will honor all of the little ones who left us too soon. Some of them, before we were even able to hold in our arms.

OMG I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT

A Rainbow Baby is a baby born after a loss. The rainbow symbolizes hope and happiness.

If you guys follow me on social media, you know that we announced our pregnancy and gender reveal on October 1st! (Watch it here) We waited a long time to publicly announce this pregnancy. 

Many of our friends and family were shocked that we were so far along, and had kept it a secret for so long! But here is the other thing that we didn’t tell people: This baby is a rainbow.

Earlier this year I suffered an early term loss. I was numb from the experience, and didn’t tell many people about it.

As a Birth and Bereavement Doula, you’d think I’d be immune to sadness from loss, but that was not the case. When I support loss clients, I tell them how important it is to reach out to their community, friends, and family for healing. But I couldn’t follow my own advice.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss

The Pink and Blue Ribbon Symbolizes Pregnancy and Infant loss. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month!

It’s one of those things that many of us experience, but none of us talk about. Partly it’s because we are a “polite” society. We don’t want to “bother” anyone with our sadness.

For example: when we are out in public and people ask “How are you doing?” The only acceptable answer is to say “Good.” We fear that no one wants to hear about our life if it is anything other than “Good” or “Fine.”

And when someone is crying, the most common thing people say is: “Don’t cry.”

Why is this? Are we uncomfortable with the sadness of our friends? Emotions are normal. Sadness is another way for us to process our grief. Instead of saying “Don’t cry.” We should tell each other: “I’m here for you.”

I fell into this line of thought as well. “Why bother telling people? No one wants to hear of my sadness.” And for fear of more sadness, or another loss, we waited a long time to announce our new pregnancy.

Speak Out

In your own time, and when you are ready, seek out people to talk to. You are important, your baby is important. Your story deserves to be heard, and your feelings are valid.

I hope you all find hope and healing in your life!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Brittany Chavez is the owner of Beautifully Connected. She is a passionate and business minded woman on a journey to support pregnant women and their families. She has the knowledge and determination to make sure all of your wellness needs are met. She has worked as a massage therapist and pregnancy consultant, and has helped over 500 clients in the Oklahoma City Metro Area. She volunteers with the Oklahoma Birth Trauma Support Group for mothers and families who have experienced birth trauma and pregnancy loss. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and four children.

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