Book Review: Unspeakable Losses

I overall really enjoyed reading this book. It was a very eye-opening experience for me, because I have never had a loss. I am on a journey and a quest for knowledge to support all types of women and families, dealing with all types of pregnancy outcomes.

The beginning of the book opened with some statistics. One that struck me in particular, “1/4 of all american pregnancies end in loss.” (pg. 19) I think this fact was particularly astonishing because I rarely hear women speak about their losses. I am always an ear for listening, but I rarely ever hear these stories. It makes me sad in one sense. How many women and families are struggling with unknown grief? How many babies are denied an existence or remembrance because they died before they were born, or shortly thereafter?

I think we, as a society, minimize the sorrow and grief of others. Perhaps it is because we are uncomfortable with people expressing their sorrowful or negative feelings. Maybe it’s because we aren’t taught how to support others who are going through difficult experiences. After the death of someone important to you, you are validated of their life by holding a funeral service. Unfortunately, a service or memorial isn’t something that is afforded to many pregnancy loss families. “Ritual gatherings also tend to provide mourners an opportunity to publicly express their grief as well as help in defining the period through which mourning is appropriate, In the absence of such supports-combined with the absence of a visible baby to touch or to hold- would be parents are faced with a “non-event,” and unreality and no one to mourn.” (pg. 24) The lack of support and acknowledgement of the humanity of the child that has been loss is truly amazing.

I have heard people say in passing: “You can try again for another baby.” “Be thankful, you have other children.” “This is what God wants.” Although these comments are made with the best intents, they are selfish and stinging to a mom or dad who is coping with the grief of a loss. I think this book was wonderful because it spoke of being present for parents. Sometimes the best thing to say is: nothing. Often times, the best way to help your friends who are experiencing a pregnancy loss is to simply sit and listen to them. Be present, and offer love, not advice or answers.

I would recommend Unspeakable Losses to anyone who has experienced a pregnancy loss, or anyone who wants to be a better companion to grief-stricken families.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Brittany started her journey of helping women in 2012, as a pregnancy consultant. She was certified as a Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday in 2015 and gained certification as a Gena Kirby Rebozo Doula later that year. She is the Birth Doula for modern women. She is intuitive and open-minded; she is attentive and ready to support everyone. Brittany received over 800 hours of advanced training in the practice of massage therapy in her quest as a healer, and is continually researching and attending training in the art of holistic health and wellness. She volunteers with the Oklahoma Birth Trauma Support Group for mothers and families who have experienced birth trauma and pregnancy loss. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and four children.

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