What Not to Say to People who are Hurting:
When you feel like crying or you are dealing with an unexpected situation and you reach out to those who are closest to you: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Everyone wants: Love, Support, and Compassion.
Some of the worst things you can say are:
“It was meant to be.”
What will be, will be. That’s an inevitable part of life. Although you may feel like this is helpful. IT ISN’T. It makes people feel like God is to blame.
“It’s your own fault; you deserved it.”
Unfortunately bad situations happen even to the best people, often times for no reason. Blaming someone who is already hurt deepens the wounds, and intensifies the pain.
“Just get over it already.”
This is often times what I hear when people have been struggling for a long time. You never get over trauma. Eventually you move past it, and look back on it. You never “get over it.” It’s always a piece of you.
What can I say?
NOTHING. When someone you love is in pain, be present. Being present isn’t always a physical thing. Sometimes it’s enough to contact them to ask how they are doing. Let them talk. Validate their emotions, make them feel like they are important and like they matter.
We are all searching for connection with each other. Pain and hurt aren’t negative things. They are necessary coping tools. Comfort your loved ones who are going through tough situations. Don’t try to fix them, just let them cry.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Brittany started her journey of helping women in 2012, as a pregnancy consultant. She was certified as a Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday in 2015 and gained certification as a Gena Kirby Rebozo Doula later that year. She is the Birth Doula for modern women. She is intuitive and open-minded; she is attentive and ready to support everyone. Brittany received over 900 hours of advanced training in the practice of massage therapy in her quest as a healer, and is continually researching and attending training in the art of holistic health and wellness. She volunteers with the Oklahoma Birth Trauma Support Group for mothers and families who have experienced birth trauma and pregnancy loss. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and four children.
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